Karpman Drama Triangle

Stephen Karpmann first formulated the Drama Triangle in 1968 as a way of helping people understand the kind of dysfunctional mind games they find themselves getting into with other people repeatedly. Eric Berne the founder of Transactional Analysis postulated that games are psychological patterns that relate to our scripts which we develop at a young age. Therefore our position on the triangle is related to what has happened to us in our lives and how other people have affected us emotionally. There are four scripts.

I’m Ok, you’re Ok
I’m OK, you’re not OK
I’m not, OK you’re OK
I’m not OK, you’re not Ok

The drama triangle is the dynamic in which we play out our scripts. We are acting roles in the Drama triangle because instead of asking directly to get our needs met by adult communication we play obtuse, subtle games in the hope that someone picks up what we want so we don’t have to ask directly for it, or we need to reinforce our script. People with I’m OK and you’re Ok would never technically be in the Drama Triangle, because they wouldn’t allow themselves to be drawn into a game. Each person entering into the game of the drama triangle has a predetermined motive which relates to their script.

The Karpmann Drama triangle is made up of three positions the persecutor, the victim, the rescuer.

The victim either takes on or accepts the role of a mistreated, persecuted person.
The persecutor pressures or bullies the victim.
The rescuer rushes to defend the victim, protecting them from the persecutor.

Persecutors may want power and control-e.g. I’m Ok, you’re not Ok or I’m not Ok, you’re not OK.
Victims may always feel hard done by, but are never able to tell people how angry there are, but show it in a passive-aggressive way. E.g. I’m not Ok, you’re OK.
Rescuers believe that the only way they are OK is if they are constantly looking out for others and trying to sort they’re lives out for them, often without asking first. E.g. I’m not Ok, you’re not OK.

We can start off in one position, but in the course of the game we will swap places. So a person who started off as a persecutor could become a victim and the victim could become a persecutor. When someone is being victimised they may become overly nice and try and please and placate their persecutor, thereby changing roles from victim to rescuer. The persecutor may then feel guilty and shift to the rescuer position. The persecutor might not like being found out and feel like a victim, the victim then has become rescuer then persecutor.
The game could carry on indefinitely until either someone else intervenes or people run out of energy or someone just realises what is going on and makes some kind of adult decision to get out of it. Some people stay in the drama triangle for years.

We can illustrate this in the Fairy tale of Cinderella

Cinderella is persecuted by her wicked step mother. She is a victim and martyr, spending all her time in this position and seemingly unable to change her lot in life. In the traditional story Cinders hopes, but never asks. Then miraculously, along comes the Fairy godmother and waves her magic wand. Cinderella is rescued. She is no longer the victim and she is now free of the Drama triangle, but is this really true. However unbeknown to Cinderella (because she’s so nice) she’s just become the persecutor to her wicked step mother’s victim, who now feels terrible because Cinderella looks fabulous and is going to marry the Prince. On the other hand if Cinderella wasn’t so nice she could goad her wicked step mother and enjoy the persecutory position she’s got herself into. On top of that if Cinderella became really horrible, the fairy godmother may get to feel like a victim, because Cinderella took advantage of her and manipulated her into rescuing her. Then if the wicked step mother found out about the fairy godmother she’d then see her as the persecutor to her victim. How many Drama triangles can we be in at once? Several.
What’s important to remember about the drama triangle is that even if we remain in adult and don’t join in and play the game or are just plainly oblivious to it, the other party will still believe we are part of that triangle and react to their perceived dynamic. So on one level the Karpmann Drama Triangle is very much a personal experience linked to personal fears and paranoia and previous unfinished business-our script. Even if you have a- I’m OK, you’re Ok script you can still be part of someone else’s Drama triangle.

How do we avoid getting into or being part of a triangle?

Recognise a game is going on and give yourself a pat on the back for doing so.
Avoid picking up on other people’s passive aggression e.g. “What are you sulking for?” instead “You look a bit upset, do you want to talk about it?”
Confront bullying assertively, using “I” statements and immediate language use the present tense to state how you are feeling, thinking, behaving in the present. e.g. “I feel as though I’m being told off”.
Avoid mentioning past events. “Always”, “never”, “as usual”.
Ask for what you want instead of hoping people will help you if you act helpless or whine.
Don’t interfere, ask people if they’d like some help before jumping in and sorting things out for them. http://www.angriesout.com/grown20.htm